Now it is getting down to crunch time before the end of the semester and this week as been busy. I started out the week by continuing to explore my memories with my mother and looking at them a little bit more in depth. I have narrowed it down to a few distinct memories that are both negative and positive that I will continue to look at for inspiration for my pieces. I stated some of the memories in my previous post but again here is where my attention will be focuses for the final pieces. The first memory I will explore is the one from when I was 5. I threw horrible temper tantrums and really just made my mom feel like a terrible mom. Also I want to focus on a memories from the time when she realized I was growing up, going to college and had a serious relationship. She wasn't ready to let her one and only little girl go. To continue some other memories will be from a particular mother/daughter date that we had. We went to the movies and it was fun to just spend time with each other and enjoy each other company. Finally the last memory I will start to focus on is one that is more recent. At least once a week I will end up calling her on the phone to ask for advice or discuss a project for school and it ends in us arguing, handing up and than 5 minutes later calling to say that we were sorry. 


        These memories are all unique and seen in a negative or positive manner. So after deciding on what memories I began to journal and analyze each memory. I looked at both sides of the memory to see what both my mother and I were thinking at that moment. Also I have gone through and wrote words that represent the feelings, emotions and even roles that were being filled. It kind of ended up like a word map or web for each memory. 

For example in the exploration for the memory when I was throwing a temper tantrum here is what I found. My mom's side of the story goes a little like this. . .  


I was a cute little 5 year old that threw the worst temper tantrums. On that particular day she had to say no to me and I didn't want to hear it. So i started crying, screaming and kicking the floor. She had to put me in my room as I was screaming mean things and making her feel like a terrible mom. She went and locked herself in the bathroom next to my room and cried as she could hear me continuing to scream and cry. She didn't know what to do and felt like she was failing as a mom because she was letting a 5 year get the best of her. 


Now for my side of the story. . . 


I was a cute little 5 year old that did nothing wrong and thought I should always get my way. I hated the word no, so on that day when I heard that word it seemed like the end of the world. I started kicking and screaming thinking that would make my mom back down and give me what I wanted but all it got was me sent to my room where I continued to cry and scream. I don't remember exactly what I wanted but I am sure to a 5 year old it must have been something important. Through all my kicking and screaming one thing I remember doing was I was so mad at my mom I had this small pink baby doll stroller and I took it and shoved it at the door. By shoving it I ended up breaking the wheel off the stroller and was than even more mad at myself. Everything that day was going wrong for me. 


        Also based on this memory I started to list words that came to mind that could describe or relate to the memory. Some of those words include, anger, tears, yelling, defeat, loss of control, monster, etc. Based on this I also started to think about the role and interaction between my mother and I that day. This is just one example of how I have started to analyze the memories but I have completed this same thing for all the different memories I have look at. 


        Also this week I had a few conversation with some of my friends and one particular conversation sparked a new idea of interest based on the mother/ daughter relationship. We started talking about what the normal relationship between a mother and her daughter could be defined as and what we personally thought normal was. What came form this is that really there is no stereotypical normal definition of a relationship between a mother and her daughter. Everyone's relationship with their mother is different and the memories are unique to that bond they hold. This got me also thinking about how I can use my images and stories of these memories to get the viewer thinking about what is really normal and actively thinking about their own relationship. Furthermore to elaborate and continue to look into this idea I have started to look at some articles and readings that focus on this topic and look at the bond and roles between a mother and daughter. I want to not only explore my own relationship, but the concept of what a relationship is and all the unique aspects to it. 


        Not only am I journalling but I can starting to create some drawing based on free association. Below are a few of the drawing I have already completed but I will continue to add more drawings in the next few days. These drawing I am starting with charcoal and loosing starting to draw images that represent what I am thinking and what inspiration I am pulling from distinct memories. 

        So the next few days I will be continuing to complete these drawings and although right now I am just using black charcoal I want to start to bring color into the mix and start experimenting so I will probably use colored pastels so I am able to still have the loose freedom when drawing that I get form the charcoal. Also I want to do some more prints on different color studies and experimentation. Also all while doing all this work and exploration I will continue to get my presentation together for my IP review this coming week, So I will be very busy but I am confident and excited because I am answering questions and going down new paths! So watch for my new drawings that I will continue to post over the next few days.