Here are some more drawings that I have been working on in the lat few days. First I wanted to share some inspiration I have been looking at for these drawings. Below are some free association drawings done in charcoal by Georgia O'Keeffe. She would think of a moment in her life or something that related to that moment in time and drew what first came to mind. This first image is based on a kiss. The second image was drawn when she was experiencing a headache. She at the time did not feel up to painting, so she took a piece of charcoal and drew what she was feeling and the pain that she was experiencing. 

Kiss

Headache

        Based on this idea of association drawing I began to do my own drawings based on the memories I have been exploring. There were a few drawings that I included in the previous post and than these images below. I started by thinking about the human body and the interaction between my mother and I at the moments I was referencing. So I began to draw circles that started out representing the heads of my mother and I showing their interaction and the emotion or energy that was present at that particular moment. Below is what the result of that study is. 

        I know this is not completely there yet so I am going to keep completing small drawings and try and figure out what the best image is going to be to represent the memories I am trying to portray. See keep your eye out for new drawings that I will be posting soon!

        Now it is getting down to crunch time before the end of the semester and this week as been busy. I started out the week by continuing to explore my memories with my mother and looking at them a little bit more in depth. I have narrowed it down to a few distinct memories that are both negative and positive that I will continue to look at for inspiration for my pieces. I stated some of the memories in my previous post but again here is where my attention will be focuses for the final pieces. The first memory I will explore is the one from when I was 5. I threw horrible temper tantrums and really just made my mom feel like a terrible mom. Also I want to focus on a memories from the time when she realized I was growing up, going to college and had a serious relationship. She wasn't ready to let her one and only little girl go. To continue some other memories will be from a particular mother/daughter date that we had. We went to the movies and it was fun to just spend time with each other and enjoy each other company. Finally the last memory I will start to focus on is one that is more recent. At least once a week I will end up calling her on the phone to ask for advice or discuss a project for school and it ends in us arguing, handing up and than 5 minutes later calling to say that we were sorry. 


        These memories are all unique and seen in a negative or positive manner. So after deciding on what memories I began to journal and analyze each memory. I looked at both sides of the memory to see what both my mother and I were thinking at that moment. Also I have gone through and wrote words that represent the feelings, emotions and even roles that were being filled. It kind of ended up like a word map or web for each memory. 

For example in the exploration for the memory when I was throwing a temper tantrum here is what I found. My mom's side of the story goes a little like this. . .  


I was a cute little 5 year old that threw the worst temper tantrums. On that particular day she had to say no to me and I didn't want to hear it. So i started crying, screaming and kicking the floor. She had to put me in my room as I was screaming mean things and making her feel like a terrible mom. She went and locked herself in the bathroom next to my room and cried as she could hear me continuing to scream and cry. She didn't know what to do and felt like she was failing as a mom because she was letting a 5 year get the best of her. 


Now for my side of the story. . . 


I was a cute little 5 year old that did nothing wrong and thought I should always get my way. I hated the word no, so on that day when I heard that word it seemed like the end of the world. I started kicking and screaming thinking that would make my mom back down and give me what I wanted but all it got was me sent to my room where I continued to cry and scream. I don't remember exactly what I wanted but I am sure to a 5 year old it must have been something important. Through all my kicking and screaming one thing I remember doing was I was so mad at my mom I had this small pink baby doll stroller and I took it and shoved it at the door. By shoving it I ended up breaking the wheel off the stroller and was than even more mad at myself. Everything that day was going wrong for me. 


        Also based on this memory I started to list words that came to mind that could describe or relate to the memory. Some of those words include, anger, tears, yelling, defeat, loss of control, monster, etc. Based on this I also started to think about the role and interaction between my mother and I that day. This is just one example of how I have started to analyze the memories but I have completed this same thing for all the different memories I have look at. 


        Also this week I had a few conversation with some of my friends and one particular conversation sparked a new idea of interest based on the mother/ daughter relationship. We started talking about what the normal relationship between a mother and her daughter could be defined as and what we personally thought normal was. What came form this is that really there is no stereotypical normal definition of a relationship between a mother and her daughter. Everyone's relationship with their mother is different and the memories are unique to that bond they hold. This got me also thinking about how I can use my images and stories of these memories to get the viewer thinking about what is really normal and actively thinking about their own relationship. Furthermore to elaborate and continue to look into this idea I have started to look at some articles and readings that focus on this topic and look at the bond and roles between a mother and daughter. I want to not only explore my own relationship, but the concept of what a relationship is and all the unique aspects to it. 


        Not only am I journalling but I can starting to create some drawing based on free association. Below are a few of the drawing I have already completed but I will continue to add more drawings in the next few days. These drawing I am starting with charcoal and loosing starting to draw images that represent what I am thinking and what inspiration I am pulling from distinct memories. 

        So the next few days I will be continuing to complete these drawings and although right now I am just using black charcoal I want to start to bring color into the mix and start experimenting so I will probably use colored pastels so I am able to still have the loose freedom when drawing that I get form the charcoal. Also I want to do some more prints on different color studies and experimentation. Also all while doing all this work and exploration I will continue to get my presentation together for my IP review this coming week, So I will be very busy but I am confident and excited because I am answering questions and going down new paths! So watch for my new drawings that I will continue to post over the next few days.

        After my trip home for break a lot of things for my project have become much more clear. Before I was struggling a lot with what imagery I was going to focus on in each of my pieces. I was trying to think of pictures and symbols to represent my mother and I's relationship and continued to get stuck and more frustrated. So after this break I thought of trying to focus on certain memories that my mother and I hold that define our relationship. So this is my new plan of attack! For this project I will be exploring the personal and dynamic relationship I hold with my mother and by reflecting on specific memories, both positive and negative, I will create a series of mixed media pieces that define the relationship we have as mother and daughter. For ideas I was able to sit and journal with my mom and come up with numerous memories that we both have to influences my pieces. Here are some of the possible memories I will be looking at.


The first one was form when I was 5 years old. I was a little monster and threw the worst tantrums. So the particular memory is from a time when it got so bad that I made my mom cry in the bathroom while I was having a fit in the bedroom. 


Another memory is the day that my mom finally found out that she was pregnant with me. She was so excited because they had been trying for so long. This is a particular memory I don't remember but I somewhat important to our relationship.


Another memory is from a particular mother/daughter date that we had. We went to the movies and it was fun to just spend time with each other.


Another memory is a more recently occuring when from times that I call her on the phone to asking for advice or discuss a project for school and it ends in us arguing, handing up and than 5 minutes later calling to say that we were sorry. 


        These are just a few of the possible memories that I will use as inspiration for a series of prints. So jumping of from this point my next step is to start sketching images from these memories. I was hoping to get a jump start on all of this this past weekend but came down with the flu bug and was basically helpless for the past few days. So my next step is to do some sketches, start experimenting with color studies, painting with water colors and mixing them with prints. Also finishing the print I did on canvas previously to to see if there is any potential there. I have a lot of work to do before my presentation so this next week will be really busy but hopefully fun. Also this week I spent some time on my presentation for the review in a week. There is some more things that I need to figure out in the next few days and answers that I need to figure out to pull my entire project together. So now that I am feeling better I am ready to get to work and produce a lot for my presentation.